


The scars I wish I had

by Humanities_strongest18



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dead Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Scars, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanities_strongest18/pseuds/Humanities_strongest18
Summary: Levi and Eren bump into each other one night in an attempt to get away from everyone. Secrets unravel.
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager
Kudos: 25





	The scars I wish I had

After the fall of squad Levi everything seemed to go in slow motion, how do you tell your captain how his squad died with you being the only survivor... How do you explain that sometimes you wish for the scars to remain to show that you lived and fought through the battle yet lost the war. Your skin shows no evidence that you fought to protect and avenge your team... friends.

Sometimes the guilt of knowing how many times over he should be dead- eaten and limbless becomes too much. For once Eren doesn't feel the need for anger all he feels is regret, guilt and sadness so deep it makes the world around him feel like a distant memory of a life he no longer wishes to live.  
He doesn't even notice when the seat opposite him becomes occupied. The clearing of a throat breaks his concentration and he looks up to see Levi.

"C-captain! Sorry I didn't see you there, how long have you been sat for?"

"Long enough to see you have something on your mind."

"No I'm fine sir just... thinking I guess."

"That can become a dangerous thing kid, sometimes its best to accept and move on."

Eren lets out a tired half hearted laugh.

"Yeah sometimes I wish it was that easy."

"This is a life that nobody wishes to live Eren however sometimes bad things happen."

"I know that, especially considering how many times I should have died already..."

"Just because certain circumstances made it practically impossible for you to die doesn't mean that you should have died it just means you can survive."

"You say that but what evidence is there that I've survived? Apart from being alive. I try so hard and I still can't protect anyone."

"Listen kid, the choices that my team made today do not land on your shoulders. We asked you to trust us and you did and it may not have gone the way we wanted but they did what they thought was right and died fighting for what they believed in. 

"You don't understand captain... I- I fight, I get eaten, lose limbs and die from time to time and yet there isn't a mark on me. I know it sounds stupid but it just doesn't feel right, I felt it when my arms and legs were bitten off and it was agony, yet there isn't even a scar to show that suffering instead I just feel and imagine it. You probably think that I have no right to complain because I heal completely, grow back limbs but the scars are still there you just can't see them. And sometimes that hurts more than the day all of this began, the day i watched my mum have her back snapped and bitten in half because I've been there too many times to count except my suffering continues because I can't die."

Levi takes a minute to process what Eren said knowing that he got this boy all wrong because a soldier he may be but he is also a child who has basically been tortured with the weight of humanity on his shoulders.

"Eren I know that anything i say right now with be a cheap cop out and I won't say I understand because I don't but sometimes the only thing you can do is fight. As human beings sometimes it is all we live for and I know that you may feel the weight of the world right now but you are a survivor." 

"You need to fight to win."

"It's ok to take a pause in fighting every once in a while though right? Because otherwise I don't think I can take much more. I want to fight more than anything but I just need to catch my breath first."

"Of course as long as once you've caught your breath you remember the people around you that care and want to be there for you."

For the first time in a long time Eren breaks down, however feels safe in the fact that Levi is right by his side and although he may not understand Eren's suffering he understands the need to be there and fighting even if inside all they want to do is stop.  
That's how they stay until the break of dawn in each others comforting presents ready for another day in the field fighting for humanity.


End file.
